Care
by Teddy Remus
Summary: Season five Sheyla. John gets injured and sees the light.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**This only took two hours, so it's not great. I've been feeling rather despondent lately because I've read all the Sheyla out there and I still haven't been satisfied, so here's another one shot. I swear I'll cry if they end the series without getting John and Teyla together. It'll be like Mal and Inara from _Firefly_. That ship was _never _concluded!!!! It still hurts… right, enough ranting. I have to thank Asugar for the inspiration of this story. Cheers.

**Care**

Damn, this _hurt_.

She was over there, now, playing happy families. With Kanaan. John had never felt so alone. He had grown up in a silent house where no one spoke to each other. He had felt alone then, but he had played an active part in that loneliness. He didn't want to be a part of the Sheppard clan, not as it was then. But this was _Atlantis._ His _home_. And now he felt alone here, too. Worst of all, it was his own fault. No one was excluding him, but he just felt so adrift right now he couldn't connect properly with anything that was happening.

God, he was screwed up.

He had never done anything about his attraction to Teyla. He had made the conscious choice of not moving forward. Hell, he'd even said a few times that she was better off with someone other than him, that he was too screwed up for the type of relationship he wanted with Teyla. Thing was, he wanted everything from her. Not just her body or the fun of the moment like with all those other alien woman he had flirted with. He just hadn't felt like he had it in him to give up as much in return. Now, though, he realised that - had Teyla reciprocated- she wouldn't have demanded everything of him at once. She understood him better than anyone else alive right now, and she wouldn't have pushed too hard.

It was too late now. She had a son, a beautiful little baby boy that looked so like Teyla it hurt sometimes to look at him. It was always worth it, though. Whatever discomfort he might have felt holding Kanaan's child was nothing in comparison to the feeling of cradling the child in his arms, or of watching Teyla do so. He had thought her beautiful before, but that was nothing to the woman she was now. Having a child made her radiant. _Ah, dammit._ He ran his hands through his hair. The air was getting chilly out here on one of Atlantis' many balconies. Two moons were in the sky, lighting up the crystalline structures.

It wasn't calming him tonight.

Or any other night the past few weeks. He felt so drained all the time, like nothing could make him happy. Sometimes he used to day dream about himself and Teyla getting together, but now he couldn't. He couldn't see a way past this situation. Sighing, John got ready for another night of little sleep and turbulent thoughts.

*******

The mission went bad. Real bad for John. He lay now in an infirmary bed, his chest swathed in bandages. He had a punctured lung, a tendon torn in his right arm, and a gaping hole in his chest from where he had been impaled on a metal spire. Overall, he was not good.

The team visited him regularly. Even Torren had come a few times, endlessly bright in John's currently shabby existence. He had dreams… he could swear that Teyla was there sometimes, when he was barely conscious. He asked Jennifer, and her face gave him his answer. He couldn't take this.

*****

Keller said it would be a few more days, but he'd finally be able to leave the infirmary.

"Looking forward to freedom?" Ronon's voice was its usual rumbling bass tone.

"Can't wait. It's been _three weeks_." The younger man chuckled as he got up to leave, Rodney on hi heels. Teyla was just about to follow them when John grabbed her arm.

"Did you ever have a hero, Teyla? Someone you looked up to more than anyone. Someone you idolised." He was holding her hand tightly, looking at her intently. A little taken aback by his behaviour, Teyla had to think for a moment. She was alone in the room with him now.

"Not one person in particular, but there were stories of people I idolised." John's eyes became distant as he stared at the ceiling, but his grip held firm.

"My uncle was my hero. My mum's brother. The first time I met him was at my mum's funeral. My dad hated him, so I had never even known she had a brother until then. There was this huge shouting match between him and dad. My mum over dosed some time after she discovered she had multiple scleroses and the prognosis was dire. My dad said she was a coward to take her own life instead of fight. He was so angry and bitter. I think he really loved her, and blaming her was the only way he could see of getting over her. I had argued with my dad about that, and my brother. I thought- I still believe- that she did it to save us from watching her die. That was the first real thing my dad and I argued about. It was kind of the beginning and end of us. We had gotten on pretty well before she died, but after that argument our father/son relationship just kinda… broke. We never saw eye to eye afterwards, and dad began finding all the little things about me that he didn't like. At her funeral, my uncle fought with my dad. He felt the same thing that I did, that mum had died _for _us, not out of fear. That what she did was a brave, selfless act. I remember shouting out that my uncle was right.

"So, yeah, I've gone a bit off track, but after that we became real close, like a thorn in my dad's side. His thoughts and ideas- he was something of a poet, real avid reader- everything he said and did seemed profound to me. I had always been interested in the military, but he had actually _been_ there. That was actually the problem. What he saw while he was at war made him hard to live with. His wife and kids left him because he was impossible to be around when he had his mood swings. I was the only one who could put up with him. But I wasn't enough. He loved his wife so much… When she stopped talking to him he just… Gave up. He didn't want to live a life without her in it. So he… went out the same way my mum did." John paused, his gaze distant. Teyla waited patiently for him to continue. Some things were beginning to slowly slip into place.

"She meant so much to him. It really affected me. I couldn't imagine caring about someone so much that I'd… He said he didn't feel complete without her. I've always held this belief that a person could be complete without someone else in their life. That's why I never-" Teyla leant down and kissed his temple. She understood. He didn't need to say any more, which was a good thing as he was looking tired.

"You should rest, John."

"Yeah," he was already drifting off. Teyla slowly disengaged her hand from his.

*****

Damn, it was good to sleep in his own bed. Well, he was lying on it, anyway. The sun rays coming in the open window prevented him from falling asleep. That, and the fact that he had slept almost non stop for the past month. He still felt really tired, though.

The chimes of his door sounded.

"Come in." There was the _swish_ of the door opening, and then the _swish-swish_ of material moving towards him. Lifting his head a little, he spied Teyla standing over him, Torren in hand, wearing one of those sparring skirts he liked so much. She smiled at him as he rose up on his elbows, manoeuvring to rest his back against the head board.

"Mind if I put him down?"

"Go ahead." They hadn't seen each other since that rather one-sided talk three nights ago. John felt a little on edge, but conversely also at peace. Teyla rested the child beside John on the bed, then moved over to his sofa to remove the cushions and placed them on the other side to keep him in. "Want me to move?" John rose up on his arms and moved to swing his legs over the side.

"No. no. Stay where you are." She indicated the chair and when he nodded she moved it over to his bedside. On his side. _Cool_, was the random thought that went through his mind. He placed an arm on the other side of Torren's head. The little guy was looking around him, all quiet because of the new place. He looked over at John and squealed, which caused a bubble of laughter to erupt from John. This caused a slight coughing fit, which had Teyla on her feet beside him.

"I'm alright," he felt oddly touched that she'd come to his aid like that. She sat back down. Clearing his throat he took Torren's waving fist in his much larger hand. He glanced at Teyla. "How's the little guy been?" She let out a large sigh.

"He's been a handful the past few days. Very excitable. This is the first time he's been quiet since he was asleep last night."

"He's always good for me." He smiled over at her. They sat in silence for a few minutes. John was silently giving him a pep talk. He opened his mouth a few times to start talking, but he stopped each time. The third time he tried and failed he shut his eyes and rested his head against the headboard with a _thump. _He felt breath against his cheek and opened his eyes to find Teyla standing over him with a hot look in her eyes. She leaned closer slowly, and it took until the moment her lips touched his for his sleep-foggy brain to realise what was going on. He realised for a split second that _Teyla_ was kissing him, and then his mind could think of nothing but the soft pull and brush of lips against lips. When she cupped a hand against his cheek it reminded him that he could be doing the same, so he used the hand not holding on to Torren to grasp her hair and lean her closer to his mouth, making the kiss deeper.

Slowly, slowly, Teyla leaned back from the kiss, her hand travelling down to John's clavicle as she moved away. John just smiled, which made her blush. Torren made an inarticulate little noise that drew their attention to him, but before Teyla turned back John kissed her on the cheek.

**A/N:** Just a little bit of what I thought John's past might have been like, and what the argument was between John and his dad. I'll go into more detail in _Baby Steps_. Sorry to anyone out there who saw John's life as being different, but meh- Until the show says otherwise, that's how I see John's past. I might write an m chapter afterwards, but I'm swamped now, and it seemed a good place to leave it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I am so sad (not in the upset way). I got all embarrassed writing this. It's one thing to read it, but to write it… Anyway, if you're looking for plot, don't look past the first two and-a-half pages.

**Care - Conclusion.**

He stood up too fast and ended up on the floor. His vision blurred and there was a whistling sound in his ears. When his mind finally cleared, Teyla was kneeling over him where he was slumped against the wall. Luckily there was no one other than Torren in the cafeteria, and the baby couldn't see John from his vantage point in a push-chair.

"I'm fine. Stupid blood pressure keeps dropping. Doc says I'll be like this for awhile. Just gotta remember to get up _slowly_." Rising to his feet, he had just sat down when a group of scientists bustled into the room, destroying the peacefulness that had pervaded the room previously. It had been little over a week since that day that Teyla kissed him, and, aggravatingly, shortly afterwards she had had to leave for the Athosian camp, which she had just returned from. John had waited in the gate room with a little kids glee that she was returning. He had also felt a little nervous. She hadn't reconsidered their recent step forward since she was among her own people, had she? That fear was soon quelled. As herself and Torren came through the wicked blue they made straight for John, where he stood by the stairs heading up to Woolsey's office. After checking that no one was around, she promptly rose on her toes and kissed him firmly on the lips. Torren had giggled, whether at them or just for kicks, he didn't know, but it set himself and Teyla to laughing. They had headed to the cafeteria then, as John hadn't eaten.

That was where he was now. Teyla had said that she wanted to go to her room to put her things away, she had smiled invitingly and asked if he would come. _Pthh, like I'm gonna say no_. They had just been about to go when John had half-fainted. Moving with care this time, he motioned to Teyla that he was fine and that they should get going.

"How are your injuries, John?"

"Much better. Began running with Ronon the day after you left."

"Is that wise? I thought it was painful to breath fast?"

"It was, and sometimes still is, but I'm much better than I was. Doc says I can start training again."

"Oh." John glanced at her. She seemed happy about something. _She wasn't thinking about…_

And they were there, outside Teyla's room. She just waltzed in with Torren, but it was as simple for John. After all, he had never been in Teyla's new quarters before. He just stood in the doorway, peering in, until Teyla came over and took him by the hand, leading him in. He smiled down at her, a big inexplicable grin. He was just so damn happy, such a contrast to how he had been just under a fortnight ago. Teyla beamed. It seemed his mood was contagious, or maybe she felt the same way. John stopped looking around him and leaned down to taste her lips. She kissed him back readily, trailing her finger nails down the back of his neck and across his shoulders. John moaned, marvelling at how nice a simple touch from Teyla could feel.

Breaking the kiss, John leaned back slightly and brushed his nose against hers, then reached up to kiss her eyes and the bridge of her nose. He leaned down to taste the corners of her lips, then she moved so that his mouth met hers again, just as tender. She was the one to break away, smiling as she left him to check on Torren. He had fallen asleep, so Teyla lifted him up and placed him in his cradle. John came over to stand beside her as she tucked blankets around him and brushed his soft baby hair. John looked at his face, so peaceful asleep. A face that so reminded him of Teyla that he wondered if hers was similar in sleep. When he looked over at her she was watching him, her eyes warm. She looked calm.

"So, uh, I guess I should get going." John rubbed the back of his neck, but didn't make any move to go. Teyla seemed to be considering something. John reached out a hand and ran it up her arm, the tips of his fingers barely touching her. She leaned towards him a little bit, biting her lip. _Oh, man._ John leant forward and kissed her, unable to resist her a minute more. He quickly deepened the kiss, touching her bottom lip with his tongue. She opened her mouth and he tasted her for the first time, making a heady groan. _Damn_. One minute he was looking at a baby sleep, the next he was so aroused it was almost painful. Teyla smiled against his lips. She broke the kiss, walking over to the bed with a sway to her hips; she looked over her shoulder coquettishly. John walked over to her in a less than seductive way, too eager to be close to her.

"You sure about this?" He held her by the waist and pressed his forehead against hers.

"About what?" Had he just made a mistake? He looked at her. Her eyes sparkled with humour. She reached up to kiss him, and just like that, things were intense . Pushing her back gently, he kneeled in between her legs, kissing her as he took off her shoes and socks, and then his own. Teyla tilted his head back to probe his mouth further, clutching and running her hands through his hair in a frenzy of need. She panted harshly against his mouth, and stood up, bringing him with her. Lying down on the bed, she moved so that she was lying back against the pillows. He climbed up beside her and cradled his body between her thighs. She could feel his arousal pressing against the apex of her legs. She reached down and gripped his hips, pressing him closer. Groaning, John ground against her and ended his kiss. He rested his head in the crook of her neck, and suddenly things became peaceful.

The arousal was still there, but the enormity of what they were doing had just hit him, and as always she understood. She just held him there, stroking his hair and back in long sweeps. He reached up for one of her hands and held it. John rose up on his elbows and looked down at her.

"I'm sorry I've been such a jealous jerk." His tone was serious. She stroked his cheek.

"I am sorry I hurt you." He shook his head.

"You didn't mean to. It's my fault."

"I may not have meant to, but I did." Kissing her tenderly, his expression grew pensive. He looked away shyly.

"I'm glad I didn't say anything sooner." She frowned at him, and then she realised of whom he spoke. Torren. Grabbing his head she kissed him forcefully, helplessly. He met her kiss, just as overwhelmed.

Things soon became intense again, with Teyla trailing her hand under his shirt, paying special attention to the dip at the base of his spine and his broad shoulders. He shifted onto one elbow and traced her cleavage through her clothing. She pressed against him, so he placed his hand on her fully and kneaded her breast, which caused her to buck her hips beneath him. He ground back against her, fully hard again.

****

John's hands on her felt so good. She burned where he touched her, and she was still fully clothed. She had never felt so intensely before; every movement either one of them made against each other sent sparks of arousal straight to her core. The heat of him at her crotch had her grinding against him wantonly, and for a moment she felt embarrassed at how out of control she was, but the near continuous groan coming from the back of his throat and the way he was panting so hard were far too appealing to stop. She threw caution and control to the wind and simply allowed herself to _feel_. He had snaked his hand under her top now, tracing her waist, rubbing a thumb over a nipple that lanced straight to her centre. She cried out against his mouth, and something inside him seemed to snap. With no further preamble he lifted her against him and whipped off her shirt, attacking her neck with his tongue and lips. When he lay her down again his hand was underneath her, working at the bra strap. He got it undone. Teyla shifted around to help John remove it fully. Once it was gone his hand cupped her bare skin and she entered a whole new state of arousal.

As he kneaded her breast, he kissed down her throat, licking a trail along her clavicle, but it was obvious where he was going. He went straight for her nipple, sucking hard. Her hips came off the bed at the intense pleasure, but he wasn't going to stop there. It was as if he couldn't keep his hands off her; one minute he was tracing the planes of her stomach, the next he was caressing her rear. Now he was hurriedly untying her pants, his mouth still latched on to her. Teyla felt as if she was falling behind, completely flooded by the intensity of emotion and feeling coursing through her. Other than the hands that trailed down his back and gripped at his hair she could only move in response to his nudging.

The pants were gone now, and he was cupping her hips, his fingers entwined in the straps of her underwear. She felt the material of his shirt brushing against her stomach. That got her moving, pulling his shirt over his head, desperate to feel his bare skin against her. The hair on his chest was tantalising, soft against his fingers. He seemed to appreciate her touch, as for the first time in minutes he stopped kissing her chest and rolled his shoulders under her touch. He stretched his neck, and Teyla took it as a hint to kiss his neck, pulling his head down towards her mouth. He groaned and pressed against her, definitely enjoying her touch. She started smiling inexplicably, and John looked down at her with a smile of his own. He pressed his head against hers and nudged her nose with his. He kissed her lips softly, his eyes completely dilated. With a nudge of her hips he was back to kissing her body, trailing his lips down her stomach, his hand cupping her mound.

Slipping a finger under her underwear, he rubbed her clitoris, causing her to cry out. He dipped a finger into her core as he dipped his tongue into her inverted belly button. She shifted her hips as a way of telling him to remove the last of her clothing. He promptly did, replacing it with his mouth. This really got her calling out, thrusting her hips gently against his mouth. It wasn't long until she came, gripping his hair and pulling his face up to her mouth. Before she kissed him, she gently wiped her cum from his mouth, and her kiss was tender, very, very affectionate. He deepened it slowly, drawing out the moment. He mumbled something against her ear, sounding suspiciously like 'gorgeous'. She smiled wider, then decided to take things in hand.

Hooking a leg behind his knee, she turned them over in the small bed, sitting down on his knees as she unzipped his trousers. She made a show of parting the two halves from around his erection, smiling at him sultrily. He just raised his eyebrows at her, before his eyes rolled into the back of his head as she reached beneath the waistband of his boxers and gripped his erection. She made quick work of divesting the last of his clothing, other than his dog tags, which she found very tantalising glistening against one of his nipples. The hot look in his eyes told her she wouldn't be able to focus on him for long, but she had waited _so _long for this that she was definitely going to spend some time on his body.

She leaned over him to kiss him, her hands trailing down his chest, her nails flicking over his nipples. She spent time on his neck, tasting his salty skin, catching his earlobe between her teeth. Fulfilling a four year want, she bit into the muscle between his shoulder and his neck, eliciting a rough groan from his throat. It had been a random desire, and she had worried about whether he would like it or not, but his response was to buck her off and roll her beneath him, promptly plunging his tongue into her mouth and lifting her thigh up against his hip. His head at her centre, he didn't move until she rolled her hips against him, causing him to enter her that little bit. Then he was sliding into her, slowly, slowly. A sigh escaped his lips as she moaned at the feeling of fullness, _completeness. _Taking a moment to adjust to the feeling, he was soon moving in her at a steady pace, raising her legs and keeping the pace slow and deep.

Teyla could not tell how much time passed, and she doubted she would have noticed anything at that moment. She could feel herself reaching her peak, and John had his head buried in her neck, his back _tense_ under her hands. His whole upper body was shaking with restraint, but honestly she didn't want him to speed up. She wanted to feel every moment of this. She knew he understood. Once, twice more and her pleasure reached a crescendo, her muscles clenching hard around him, drawing out his own orgasm. He thrust into her slowly as he came down from his high, until finally he rested his body against hers. His breathing matched her own. Lifting up on to his elbow, he gently brushed her mussed hair from her face, leaning down to kiss her nose. He leant down to her ear and whispered:

"I am _so_ happy."

**A/N:** Sorry if it stops and starts. I'm trying to add real emotion to the scenes, but I'm having a bit of a problem making it flow, ya know? If anyone has pointers…. I might continue this on a bit, do the whole 'Morning after' thing. Thanks for reading.


End file.
